The Pain of Staying the Same

I remember waking up one morning, stepping on the scale after binging the day before and being so upset with myself. The scale was up five pounds, I looked exhausted, and I felt horrible. Three days of eating well, and then I blew it again. I realized at that moment that I had been playing the same yo-yo dieting game for 20 years. Eat well for 3-4 days, then binge all day. Over and over and over again. The cyclical binging pattern had taken over my life. Not only did a binge day distort my mood for the next couple of days but it also made me feel bloated, puffy, depressed and anxious. I was living in purgatory and I couldn’t figure out how to get out of it. I felt sad for the part of me that had so many unrealized goals- goals that I’d never be able to achieve if I wasn’t feeling my best. Goals that I was suppressing because binge eating Natalya wasn't confident to step into those roles. When I binged, I was a shitty person to be around so I isolated myself. I was so stuck in victim mentality and shame and I didn’t allow myself opportunities to get help beyond a traditional therapist (which didn’t work for me). I was an analyst and a personal trainer. I should have had all this shit figured out by now. But I didn't. When I finally found a coach that connected the dots of binge eating to emotions and the desire to repress and hide from them, I knew I found the key to overcoming binge eating. Here was the issue, I didn’t want to spend hundreds of dollars on a coach. I thought that I could figure it out on my own using some of their free content. Then something happened. Another year went by and I realized that I had spent two decades trying to solve binge eating on my own. I felt like I was wasting my life. I spent half of my time hiding and binging and half the time recuperating from the binges. I didn't think I could afford a coach (that's the story I kept telling myself) but then I realized that I couldn't afford not to get help. I needed guidance and the cost of investing in professional coaching outweighed not taking a couple of vacations that year. Investing in my future self through coaching was the most impactful thing I did.I don’t wake up with food hangovers anymore. I don’t wake up hating myself. I don’t walk around with the shame of secretive binge eating. Coaching changed the trajectory of my life. It inspired to leave me unfulfilling job and step into training and coaching full-time. I show up differently for my husband, family, friends and clients. I accomplish more. I don’t indulge in my mind’s drama. And now, I teach other women to feel their emotions, uncover the underlying issues that compel them to buffer with food, and resolve them without it. So here’s my question to you: How do you feel about yourself today? Would you be okay waking up on June 25, 2024 in the same body, with the same thoughts, with the same life?